Polite Meaningless Words

Percentages.

2006-12-09T09:36:27Z

99% Certain that I have the prettiest eyes in the world
87% Certain that "If I wasn't so much of an asshole, I'd marry you."

This is why I love Pants. This was followed by a long spiel about how amazing/beautiful/fun/wonderful/etc I am. One would think that this would make me feel better, but it only made me want to cry. In fact, I actually did get misty-eyed at the bar.

I'm kind of ready for this semester to be over, but mainly just scared shitless at what it means to be done.

And I've realized that I'm pretty much a narcissist, and I'm kind of ok with it.

People are fragile things; be careful what you put them through.

2006-12-05T15:24:35Z

I never thought I would hear words I have uttered come out of someone else's mouth.
I can't be mad, because I know they are meant to be kind. I can't disagree, because I understand. I know what it takes, and I feel bad, not for me, but for him, because I know he's fucking himself over (and I know he knows it). I pity him where he envies me. I wish I could help, but I know I can't.
I thought I knew what it would be like to be in the other person's shoes, but I didn't find out until last night; for that, I don't know whether to thank or hate him.

I'm grown up now but refuse to learn.

2006-12-02T10:20:09Z

I want to be given a chance. Ten minutes to explain that I'm not.....whatever. "I look at you, and I see something pure and innocent, something resembling a soul, and I don't want to be the one to take that away." I'm fucked regardless, so why should I even bother? Seriously, all I can think right now is that I don't fucking care what I deserve--I know what I want, and I don't care if it's "good enough".

A day early and a buck withdrawn.

2006-11-22T19:34:42Z

I'm home, and it's nice. I got to spend some time with Laura and Olin and Jeff yesterday, and I bought a few records, and that was nice. I got to get a coffee with Amanda the other day, and that was nice. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and that's nice, too. I started reading Eragon because Kamla's working on the movie, and I'd like to see it, and I'm one of those people who would rather read the book first. It's really obvious that it's the first book of someone who hasn't written much. It's also really heavily influenced by lots of other science fiction (this, being obvious to the person who has read maybe 4 sci-fi books ever). It also generally fits the category of "nice." I'm seeing Melissa and Steve tonight and their new house and their puppy, and I'm pretty certain that'll be nice, too.

All of this niceness, and I figure I ought to be really happy. I was looking forward to this brief vacation, because I wanted some "me" time, but now that I'm not constantly surrounded by people who are trying to cheer me up or who need to be cheered up or just bitching about leggings, I am irreparably grumpy. And I'm really hoping that I some how made up the last few hours of my Saturday night, but I know I'm not that good.

Mom has gone to a funeral and left me her car. I'm going to go to the vintage store downtown and have a cruise through their thousands of records and see if they have what I'm looking for.

Sexy on a half-shell. Turtle power.

2006-10-30T23:03:33Z

Ohmygodwhatanamazingweekend.

Catherine came out to visit this weekend, and it was crazy awesome.

Thursday: she got in, we went to Sputnik for a little bit with Catherine (how confusing, two Catherines in one weekend) and Tyler and came home and went to bed.

Friday: skipped class, went to Tom's Comfort Food for some really amazing fantastic southern cooking. We had fried chicken, corn bread, cream corn, green beans, peach cobbler, mashed potatoes, Coca-Cola cake, and SWEET TEA. It was like I died and went to home. Then, we went to Target in search of costumes, then came home to watch the second Care Bears movie while fixing our costumes (unfortunately, we are no longer between the ages of four and eight). Then, Catherine, Catherine and I were....NINJA TURTLES!!!! We went to the pillow fight, which took place on Broadway just past Sputnik, and then went to Sputnik, and then went to Lipgloss, and then went back to Sputnik and then went to Karla's for the post-pillow party. It was amazing. Extra amazing: We made our weapons out of cardboard and tin-foil, and they were kind of flimsy and falling apart, so we left them on Broadway somewhere around 8th as we were walking from Sput to Lipgloss.....and then, while we're there, someone randomly came up to us and gave them back!! I dealt with this by passing them on to two rather cute guys who were dancing not too far from us. And Tyler gave me the Shiny Toy Guns album on vinyl. Thank you Tyler! I also failed to call Matthew by his real name, but instead called him "William," which is apparently what he was last time I forgot his name. At least I'm consistent, but seriously, I should be able to remember the names of cute boys. Seriously. Um...also, I called Alex an asshole (by admitting that I was, indeed, drunk, but not so drunk that I didn't think he wasn't an asshole. Way to go, double-negatives). I fell asleep on the couch watching the Little Mermaid, and the two Catherine's slept in my bed.

Saturday: We went to Breakfast King at noon for brunch. While driving past Sputnik, we saw one Adam Pants, still drunk, standing outside the bar (which is kind of odd, considering it opens at 8am on weekends). We pulled over, picked him up, and the three of us got breakfast. Things I learned: Pants is 90% certain that he is in love with me and 80% certain that Catherine can't handle him. So we took him home after breakfast, and the two of us went back to Target for underwear because we were basically too tired to do laundry. Um....then we went to Sputnik for dinner and drinks, Maggie offered to drive us to Littleton to get Krispy Kremes, so that was cool, but when we got back, Maggie and Catherine both decided to go home rather than stick around for the Japanimplosion party, which made me sad, but Catherine and I went anyway and had a great time and were there until closing, which was an hour later than normal (thank you daylight-savings time!). After that, we went to Nate's for a bit, but I started falling asleep in his bed, so we walked home and I fell asleep on the couch. I may or may not have stolen the Mr. Mustache doll. har har har. Oh, and Ron Burgundy was there, so Catherine was really happy. Also, I told lots of people that I love them, "No, seriously, I love you." I guess my Halloween costume went from "Awesome Barrie" to "Drunk Maggie." Sweet.

Sunday: I had to take Catherine to the airport, but we made a stop at the sex-shop before and also got lunch, and then I came home and fell asleep on the couch until it was time to get in my bed and fall asleep there. I wished that the price I paid at the bar was an accurate portrayal of how much I drank, but I'm really glad it's not, because that means I've saved money, somehow.

Ugh, unfortunately, I have a Stats exam on Wednesday, which means I ought to miss out on all the exciting things going on on Tuesday (Monofog at Hi-Dive, Sean DJing at Swimclub, Tim DJing at that bar that I can't remember the name of.....) Maybe I'll just get all my shit taken care of tonight, and then go out and not drink.....Hm....Well, I know I said that last time I had a Stats test, and we all know how that turned out.....

nak_nak @ 2006-10-23T14:29:00

2006-10-23T20:29:19Z

Today, my last class got cancelled, so I'm home in time to listen to Adam's and Charles's radio show on RareFM. Hooray. When I got home, my copy of the Holloways' new single, Generator, on all three formats (two 7" records and a CD). One of the b-sides is "Pushing and Shoving," which will always always make me think of the night when I went to the Boogaloo to see Rob perform, and he played it, and then on the walk to the bus stop, Ben kept singing as if it were "Cookin' and Lookin.'" *sigh* I can't listen to the Holloways without being flooded with amazingly happy memories. I can't wait for their album to come out.

Also: I am less sick today than I have been for the past week. A weekend spent largely in bed did me a world of good. And Catherine is coming on Thursday for the weekend. Yay!

I like lists.

2006-10-11T09:09:54Z

1. Seeing Art Brut always makes me Happy.
2. I am fairly drunk.
3. I have a Stats test tomorrow.....or today, depending on how you look at it.
4. The gig (Art Brut / We Are Scientists / The Spinto Band) was AAAAAAAMAAAAAAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like woah.
5. When someone asks me "what's there to do at this hour?" I shouldn't suggest "Oh, there's a bar down the street and my friend is DJing" if I have a test the next day. Actually, more importantly, I shouldn't suggest such a thing and go along as if I have nothing to do.
6. Paul, the nicest (and only) roadie I have ever met had to buy me coffee, Take 5s, and Gatorade so that I could make it home.
7. I want to go to bed right now and say "fuck it" to my Family and Society homework, even though I know I should do it...
8. I will probably skip that class, and hopefully will email that teacher with some sob story about how I live in Denver and blah blah blah, so I'm emailing her my homework instead of showing up......
9. Have I mentioned that seeing Art Brut always makes me happy? Did I add that taking them to a bar and having them buy me drinks makes me even happier?
10. You can get Colt 45 in a can. I did not know that; I thought it was only available in a 40.
11. There is a part of me that is EXTREMELY doubtful of everythting (well, everything relationship-wise) that I'm going through.
12. Need I mention again that I am slightly tipsy...so much so that I am doubtful and sleepy, but not so much so that I am not editing myself.

Now you are the one who is "it."

2006-10-07T00:57:05Z

I have amazing friends.
It's Friday.
And someone called me a robot, not because I'm a cold automaton, but because I'm perfect.
Also, I am going to China for New Year's to visit a certain special someone and eat a big bowl of dick, literally.

I am constantly grinning, inside and out.

Miles Davis is better than Macbeth.

2006-09-26T03:08:29Z

In-N-Out is not good. It is not worth the hype. If you don't feel like eating a hamburger (or cheeseburger) your options are thus: French Fries (that really, honestly, are not that great, as in McDonalds might have better ones) or a hamburger minus the beef (so the toppings on a bun). I don't even think they have milkshakes, and really, what is the point of that?!

Amoeba is the happiest place on earth (sorry Disneyland). I got a super awesome It's A Small World record for a buck. Also: Love Is All, imported from Sweden; She Wants Revenge; and 4 Interpol singles remixed. Their record selection made me want to cry tears of joy and go rob a bank. I didn't even get to look at the CDs.

Disneyland is the second happiest place on earth. I saw Mickey and Minnie running away from fans like paparazzi.

Going on weekend trips to visit Hot Hotties is the best way to spend a weekend.

My worst nightmare is true!!

2006-09-03T18:03:17Z

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.

You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Ranting and Raving.

2006-06-13T00:09:44Z

So, long time, no post. I spent a week and a half at home, and now that I’m back in Denver and not in school, I have no internet (or at least no reliable means of frequently checking/replying to emails and whatnot).

To home: I am constantly amazed that every time I go back to Raleigh, I leave with more friends than I arrived with. I met a handful of amazing new people and bumped into many more that I haven’t seen in ages, and had a lot of fun talking about pirates and being introduced as “This is Barrie. She is sex/awesome.” Kind of an ego boost, just a little bit. Mel was also staying with my parents (and sleeping in my bed; ooh la la) because she’s moving down, and it was beyond great to be able to hang out with her again (it’s been over a year, and that’s kind of upsetting) and really just funny to show her around town, introduce her to my friends, and most importantly: get her hooked on Bojangle’s chicken biscuits and sweet tea. The hotties, great as usual. Kamla threw me a sweet ass birthday dinner one night, I went to the beach with her and Elsha, aaand...well, the hotties are hot (understatement of the year) and it always makes me all sorts of warm and fuzzy and impossibly happy to see them again. It was very melancholy, though, to have the last shrimp burger with Kamla, and even more painful to realize that next time I’m home, she won’t be there. I have to find someone new to pick me up from the airport, and I highly doubt that person will be so enthusiastic about mom’s casserole. That aspect of my trip also got me thinking about 6 or so months from now, when I’ll move out of Denver, and it’ll kind of be a similar situation (in that I won’t have family as an excuse to come back here to visit, although leaving the place where you grew up is much harder than leaving somewhere that you’ve lived for only a year). Not like I really think I’ll ever move back to Raleigh (as in long-term living), but every time I go back, it’s kind of a little harder to leave. I feel like I am getting old, but mostly I’m just very tired of saying goodbye to people I care about before I’m ready to.

To Denver: It’s boring not having classes (although very nice to be saving on that gas money) and not being able to find a job, although apparently a friend of a family friend has just started some PR/music management thing and needs an intern, so I might have that going for me. I have to find a new apartment, and I’m procrastinating and being lazy, and that’s not helping at all. I’ve been spending a lot of time with new friends, Pam and Maggie, which is great, because I finally have good friends that are girls in this town, and they’re just super cool people and kind of crazy and smart and funny and we’re Philosoraptors for fuck’s sake. I went to the most amazing bar with Pam and Shane and this other girl the other night...if Tim Burton designed a bar, it would be the Double Daughters. It’s so fucking amazing....and they have a drink called “The Fuck Off Juice” (in Italian, and I’m not going to try to spell it). It’s 17 different kinds of liquor, and it’s so strong that they only let you have two. It tastes kind of like cough syrup, but since I’m sick and like cough syrup, I was pretty happy about it. Oh, and Tim and Fil got fired from 3 Kings, so no more Needles and Pins. I’m kind of upset, because I really enjoyed going there on Mondays, and from what I hear, the reasoning is complete bullshit brought about by a third-party who really had no right sticking his nose into it.

To summarize: Being home for a week and a half was really great--just what I needed, in fact--but far too short. Being back in Denver is fun mostly. My head has been stuffed with really odd thoughts about what to do with myself in the next year or so, which is frustrating. And I have lots of things to look forward to: Sean coming to visit in two weeks, Elsha coming to visit in a month and two weeks, going home again in late July and being able to see Ash and Bella for the first time since Christmas.

Yay me.....

2006-05-18T17:01:43Z

The past few days have been really, really weird. Thursday: one cookout, one hottub, one sneak peak. Friday: graduation party with drunk and dancing parents; I love my Boulder friends, but their parties remind me why I don't live in Boulder. Saturday: another graduation party, Rockstars are Dead, another other graduation party, a very drunk ex, and I learned that I ought not be nice and offer people rides home (spending over an hour hearing "you really should stay" and "I want to be with you tonight" is not a good end to a Saturday). Sunday: Kickball and Grey's, which ended in me pacing around the apartment screaming "FUCK" for about an hour. Monday: Found out that my friend hanged himself, then went to DJ and sort of have a birthday party. Tuesday: comatose on the couch most of the day, Gloria and Logan time, Enoch's benefit gig. Wednesday: Fly home.

So I'm home, and that's nice. Kamla picked me up, Mel is here, I got HOUSE, went to Jackpot for a drink and bad pool, and then watched three episodes of House before falling asleep on the couch.

It's kind of hard, though, realizing that I won't see Enoch dancing around simi-naked ever again......kind of puts a damper on all sorts of things.

I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE!!!!!

2006-05-10T15:09:56Z

Erm...So I just turned in my last three papers (yes, three, and yes, it is 9am). I realized that, in the 4 papers I had for this week, I am really really pessimistic about society in addition to being a little postmodern marxist...apparently. Interesting.

Um, Art Brut last weekend fucking rocked. Seriously. I'm really gutted that I can't make the NC show, too. They all remembered me, and so I just hung out chatting and getting wasted on other people's tabs for several hours after their set. Amazing amazing amazing. It was kind of like being back in London again....except I was surrounded by Americans.....and had to get a ride home......ANYWAY. It was the best gig I've been to since, well, probably since the last time I saw them. AND: For my Hotties at home, Eddie and Jasper were going to give me a shirt, but forgot and then Ed packed them up, so they told me that if you ask for one for me, they'll give it to you. Also, they said you must talk to them and tell them you're my friends and they were excited. So, in short: tell Eddie or Jasper (not Ed Idiot) that it's my birthday and they promised me a small popular culture shirt. And then take it. And have fun. And rock out.

Sunday also rocked....Kickball is in full swing, bitches. Natalie and I made cookies for the Hot Licks (I'm their step mom, since they already have a real team mom) and they were amazing (sugar with strawberry icing). Just kind of...hung out drinking Babycham and Corona and then went to Sputnik for free PBR and spent an hour talking to a guy who looks like Patrick Dempsey about philosophy. Sometimes, I just love my life.

Monday is going to be the shit: 4 DJs (including me) and a band all to celebrate my birthday. Kickbrawlers and dancing idiots. And lots and lots and lots of whiskey. Tuesday might suck.

Oh, and I'm flying home on the 17th. HOORAY FOR HOTTIES AND BIRTHDAY PARTIES!!!!!!

Read Art Brut? GOOD WEEKEND!

2006-05-01T20:21:43Z

1. I got a free copy of the Charlatans new album. Go me.
2. I went an entire weekend without getting hit on by ugly unintelligent men. Finally.
3. "If I had a super power, I'd be able to decapitate people by throwing records....but they'd magically boomerang back to me without being harmed; otherwise, I'd be a very sad superhero." "That's really cool....I mean, you can decapitate me....not for a while, though. I do have a gig tomorrow, and, you know, need my voice for at least a few more years." "I'll wait then." "And, you know, you'd have to get me off, because what's the point of getting your head cut off if you're not getting off?" "So in a year or so, I'll decapitate you during sex." "Sounds good." (I should add that this conversation was held in absolute seriousness)
4. "I have decided that the course of the night involves touching one of your boobies....not both, though. If both are in the deal, then I'm out."
5. The cops show up at a Friday-night after party: "Were you invited or did someone call you?"
6. Fake Alex being more real than Real Alex (hahahahaha...granted, this may only be funny to me)
7. Generally, spending Friday night with my two favorite super-heroes and then crashing on their couch.
8. A Harry Potter kind of Saturday.
9. Having a chocolate cake that made it not so bad that I haven't gotten laid in nearly a month.
10. Seeing Atlas.
11. "I can't remember your name....don't tell me! I want to guess." "It starts with a B, rhymes with a lot of other really common names, and happens to be a fruit." "Banana?!"
12. GETTING MY FUCKING ART BRUT TICKET!!!!!!!!
13......and a copy of the Denver Defenders.

This weekend made me very happy.

It breaks when you don't force it.

2006-04-24T16:41:20Z

Editors and Stellastarr* Friday night.......amazing. I went with James, and yeah. The show was fantastic....fantastic. I don’t go to enough shows here. It’s been a really really long time that I actually got to go to one that I was excited about beforehand. So yeah, good show. Then, hung around waiting for Julia and Tim V to tell us whether or not we needed to drive anyone to Lipgloss. Did not, so we went on our own. Lincoln (the cool doorman) was working again, which meant I didn’t have to spend a huge chunk of the evening explaining that, no really, I am on the list. Rescued an Editor from some really really creepy girl who, I think, was trying to hit on him. Had a Stellastarr* call Logan to ask why he didn’t come down for the occasion (it was really cute “But....if he wanted to meet us, why did he stay in Boulder?!”). Went home with Tim V and learned the hard way that I am not allowed on myspace while drunk.

Saturday, saw Jamie’s band and was pleased to find that they’re really really good.

Sunday, FINALLY got Indian food with Jared. Was nice.

Anyway, it was a good weekend, but I didn’t do any work, and I have a presentation on Adrienne Rich tomorrow...too bad I haven’t even picked a poem to analyze.

Mind is a razorblade.

2006-04-19T20:15:17Z

THE BULLSHIT IS OVER!!!! Huzzah!

Or at least with school. I now have only 2 bullshit (read: 1-page film reviews) left and so I can get my nerd on in full by writing
1. 15-20 page ethnographical analysis on Denver's music scene, mainly the importance of DJs in maintaining/creating/defining the scene.
2. 5-7 page theoretical essay, likely on subcultures (again...I'm seeing a theme in my research) and their relationship to the mainstream, using Plato's metaphor of the Cave and Adorno's theory of the culture industry.

AND I found out that my Theory teacher is getting a fellowship in Cambridge, and so she has decided that if we keep coming to class, having intelligent conversations, and do reasonably well on that second paper up there, she'll give the whole class an A. That, and she's having a kegger for us. Can we say amazing?! Oh, and she missed my DJing because she was TOO DRUNK to get to Denver. HA!!

Oh, and I guess, for the record: Monday went well. I learned a valuable lesson: Do not mix 6 or 7 whiskey and cokes with 2 Blackout Shots (Jager and...something else). I played my worst game of cut-throat in history and was a little too drunk to get the records on right. Tim gave me the new Clear Static 12" single, which is mainly cool because it's called "Make-Up Sex" and then invited me to hang out with Stellastarr* and the Editors after their gig on Friday. And Fil and I decided to have a sordid affair but then decided it's a bad idea because I'm his little sister now. The end.

I might be an idiot.

2006-04-19T14:38:24Z

I woke up at 6 this morning so I could write a paper that's due at 11.

I have no hypothesis. Oops.

Feel the Machine.

2006-04-17T20:46:29Z

Weird weird weekend.

Friday: Lipgloss on maybe 12 hours of sleep from the whole week. I was exhausted and could hardly stand up. Saw most everyone of importance, stole Fil's hat, drank lots of gin and impressed people by my skill at queue-cutting at the back bar. Bumped into Nate, who told me to go to the Kickball auction on Saturday and then introduced me to 8-Bit Man, who is actually a very attractive guy called Aaron.

Saturday: Daytime: Went to the Zoo with Gabby and Ruth. It was depressing. Nice, of course, to see lions and tigers and bears (oh my), but very very depressing to see a tiger in a cage so small that all he had space for was pacing. Nighttime: Went to Kickball Auction. Left that bar with James and his friend Chris to go to Tim's new monthly night. Tim's night was empty. There were: 2 bartenders, 3 DJs, James, Chris and me. James and Chris decided it was lame, so they went to Sputnik and I stuck around to offer Fil a ride home. Also, I just didn't want to be around people. Fil and I had a lovely talk about London and Swedish bands. Took Fil home, and on my way home, had a call from James, who wanted to make sure that I was OK and not sleeping with Fil (ew. I mean, I love him, but ew.). Then: "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Do you want to get tea?" "No, I just want to go to bed or watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch." "You're not OK." "I am." "You're not. I'm coming over, and we're having tea." *click* FUCK.

Sunday: Got a call from Tex at noon saying that his kickball team was playing at 1 and I should be there. So I went. Saw Courtney, who told me about a Southern restaurant in Denver that we have to go to. Watched 2 1/2 kickball games, saw 8-bit man in a singlet, got loads of sun (but no burns!), died of heat, talked to mom, dad and sis on the phone, aaaaaaand was very disgruntled on my way home when I realized that Target is closed on Easter. Fuckers.

Tonight: I DJ at Needles and Pins.

WHORE was the first word.

2006-04-13T17:10:35Z

So I'm almost done with 3 out of 5 of my papers...which is good. Haven't slept, though, which is bad.

But last night, met up with Tex to play Scrabble for a few hours (which is really smart when you've got 2 5-page papers due the next day, neither of which were finished). He beat me, of course, but it was tons of fun, especially the second game, which became SEXY SCRABBLE. The first word was WHORE then STUD and other great things such as LOAD, MEAT, NONE (as in "You ain't gettin' none"), CUNT, VAG, EZ (Like EZ muthafuckin' E). It was lots of fun.

James came over before hand to drop off some pictures from Saturday night: one each with Alex, Andy and James. They're all really good...I'm amazed at some photographers' ability to make me look super hot, even when I'm so drunk I can't see straight.

If I'm alive after tonight, I think I'm taking the weekend off. And by "off," I mean that I'm going to the zoo, drinking as much as I can, dancing, and sleeping every other possible second. It's going to be great and make me feel tons better.

Procrasinating is so much fun, but not very useful.

2006-04-10T22:37:29Z

What time is it? 4:06pm
Where are you? In the lobby of the Humanities building on the CU campus...in Boulder.
Why are you procrastinating? Yes, yes I am. I'm supposed to be looking up 7 ethnographies for my 5-page paper due tomorrow. This is where I bite my tongue about how I don't think you should have more sources than pages......
How do you take your tea? Milk and two sugars, if it's black tea. Sugar or honey if it's herbal.
Just who do you think you are? I tend to think I'm just Barrie, which is never a very bad thing. I'm that southern girl who doesn't live in the south anymore, the one who's obsessed with music and will never hesitate to tell you that some random band is so fucking amazing that it hurts, drinker of tea, spinner of records, etc.
What do you want to be when you grow up? When I was a kid (like 4-7ish), I decided that growing up wasn't worth it. Mom said I was the only one of my friends who bluntly refused to play house and talk about "grown up things". I'm still kind of in that mentality. Consequently, I have no idea what I want to do when I "grow up," but I want it to be fun, you know?
What's your favourite smell? Llama flowers.
What are your favourite films? There are loads, too many to mention, in fact. I did just see Walk the Line and Ed Wood. Both were great.
Do you like chocolate best, or cake? Yes.
What time do you get up, given the choice, and what do you do first? When my alarm goes off, it's around 9. When I wake up on my own, it's around 10. I like to lay in bed for a while, then shower and have tea. Or just have tea and lay down on the couch to watch a movie or read a book.
What are you worried about at the moment? The fact that I have 5 papers due this week, that my sister is getting a divorce and Bella won't know her dad after this, that my car is going to explode, that I am doomed to be "totally awesome" but still not good enough.......there's a lot on my mind right now.
What's in your CD player? In the car one: Blackwire, Babyshambles, the mix George made me, We Are Scientists, The Kooks...and something else that I can't remember. In the living room: I think She Wants Revenge, Johnny Cash, and a few mixes.
Name three songs with good memories...
The Holloways - Generator
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
The Knife - Heartbeats
(that was harder than it should have been)
...And three with sad memories
The Thermals - No Culture Icons
Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart (seriously, I almost cried at Lipgloss when Andy Rourke played this song)
Maximo Park - The Coast Is Always Changing (which is an amazing song, but has lots of sadness to it in my mind)
If you could see any band play live tomorrow, which would it be? The Holloways, Black Wire, The Rocks, Tigermoth and Art Brut. At once.
What's your first memory? Sitting on my bucket at the beach.
Who's your favourite poet? cummings....Rich.....um......Ginsberg....Carrol....
What was your favourite TV show when you were little? The Care Bears, followed by Ninja Turtles (these were two stages of my childhood)
How big a part of your identity is your sexual orientation? I like sex, so that's a big part. The part where I like guys just fucks things up.
When did you first realise you were a bit odd? I think it finally hit me in 6th grade, when I refused to trade in my sneakers and boy-shorts for short shorts and flip flops from the Gap. I don't know if that makes me odd, but it made me realize something that's probably important.
What's your best physical feature? I like my eyes...and my arms....and my toes.
Do you like the way you look? Sometimes.
When did you last cry? Yesterday for the bulk of it.
Are you a romantic? A hopeless one, yes. Realistically, though, no.
Do you have any irrational prejudices? Fucking Texas.
Name three nice things that people regularly say about you. That I'm "really awesome," that I have great taste in music, and that I make a mean casserole (among other food-related things)
What do you think about the country where you live? Would you live anywhere else? I have nothing against America, just Americans...but then I don't really like people in general, regardless of where they're from, so that's not a big problem. I have lived in another country, and will do it again.
What's your favourite time of day? When the Simpsons and House are on, when the sun is setting (if it's nice out and I'm on my balcony) and when it's time to go out and drink (which could be any time)
What's your favourite thing to eat? Indian food, southern comfort food, cake.
What's your favourite shakespeare play? Hamlet?
What's your favourite comedy? Monty Python is indeed pretty fucking sweet.
Name three guilty pleasures. "Toxic," Myspace, cake for breakfast.
Do you like Christmas? Yes. It's the only time of the year when my family is consistantly nice and unpressuring and I get presents. What's not to like?
Are you political? No. I mean, I have opinions, but I just don't care enough to pay attention.
Do you get on with your parents? Sometimes.
What do you wish you could be doing right now? Sitting at Nambucca, eating chips with kateli and hopefully seeing the Holloways, not having a paper to write, having sex......I've got research to do! I'd rather be doing anything!!!
Do you get jealous easily? Depends...not usually, though.
Are you a risk taker? Sometimes. I did move across one country and then to another without knowing anyone in either place...that's kind of risky.
Name one aspect of your personality that you'd change. I'd like to be more articulate (words get stuck in my throat at very inopportune moments)
What super power would you have? I want to fly...or really be invisible.
Are you shy? Sometimes...depends on my mood.
What are you proudest of yourself for, this year? thus far in 2006, I think I'm pretty proud that I've been able to get shit on and still hold my head high and I've managed to bounce back after some really really nasty panic attacks. In the past 12 months, I guess it's......well, I'm proud of learning how to DJ (which might fall under 12 months ago, I can't remember) and leaving London without combusting.
When do you have most fun? When I'm with fun people or dancing around my apartment in my underwear.
What's your catchphrase? "motherfuck"? "balls"? "amaaaaazing"? There are a lot of things that I say far too often.

Have you ever -
Worn drag? I did go to a cross-dressing party and went all out, so I guess I have more than usual.
Taken anti-depressants? Yeah.
Been to India? No, but I want to.
Been to Australia? Yes
Been on a diet? Sort of....I mean, not like, seriously I guess.
Hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.
Hurt someone else on purpose? Not seriously.
Experienced existential terror? Not really
Been seduced by an older woman? No.
Taken cocaine? Yeah
Considered suicide? When I was too young to realize how selfish it is....Now the closest I've come is wishing with all my heart that something really really bad will happen that won't be my fault.
Told someone you loved them when you didn't mean it? I always believe that I mean it when I say it....that doesn't mean that I really know if it's true, though.
Not told someone you loved them when you did? Yes, and I'm kind of beating myself up about it right now.

The rude part -wilting innocents may skip this.
Are you kinky? I don't think so, but compaired to others, probably.
How kinky? I mean, you know, I'll try just about anything once, provided that it's not going to kill me.
Name the most interesting place you've ever had sex. the kitchen counter?
Where did you lose your virginity? My former boyfriend's bed.
Have you had a threesome? Not really.
Have you ever used a household appliance for a purpose other than that for which it was originally intended? Probably.
Was any of said purposes sexual? Don't think so
What foods go best with sex? While I do agree with kateli that biscuits and tea go great with everything...I think they're more of a post-coital snack. I'm not sure I've ever had food during sex, though, so I guess that's as good an answer as any.
Describe your first proper kiss. I dated this guy in 6th grade, he walked me home, and we made out in the driveway. Or it might have been when he was walking me too school, just before we got to campus.
Have you ever given or recieved oral sex to a member of the same gender? Nope
Did you enjoy it? I have always wondered if I'd be good at it or if it really is better....
Are you submissive? Sometimes with some things.
Do you know what munging means? No
Sex and love. do they go together? If you're lucky.

Name one thing that truly terrfies you. Loneliness.
How insecure are you? It varies. VERYVERYVERY or not at all. And everything inbetween.
Are you an atheist? I like to think so.
What goes best on toast? butter and honey or strawberry jam.
Just what on earth do you think you are doing? Taking a goddamned survey, motherfuck!
What do you most regret not having done? Not telling people what I want to when I need to.
If you could go anywhere tonight, where would you go? I would go to Needles and Pins, because Peter is DJing and it's Fil's birthday. If I get my papers done, I will do that. If I could fly her out for it, I'd bring kateli, because I really miss her too (if it's not obvious, what with her popping up three times during this and the fact that I stole this from her in the first place)
If you could be in someone's arms tonight, whose would they be? Alex's, unfortunately. Or someone really really hot....like Dan Black Wire or Johnny Depp.
What do you want to do before you die? Own a space-foam bed (I set my goals low, that way I can achieve them)
WHat fascinates you? DJs who are good (really, there's nothing more fun than watching some guy spin records and rock out at the same time)
What's wrong with you? Lots of stuff, I'm sure. I'm really grumpy at the moment and fairly hungry.
Do you believe in God? No. And I'm not even going to go into how that's a personal question and you should be ashamed for asking!!!! (that's what we were talking about in class today, the political correctness of that question and how intellectuals will say no and then dance around it for a while as to not make it a solid no but sort of a maybe that is really a yes). But really, no I don't. I kind of wish I did sometimes, though. It'd be easier.
Do you believe in fairies? I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.
Are you hopeful? Usually.

What time did you finish this? 4:35. Time to do work now.

Oh, and I've finally regained most of the feeling in my right foot. It was needles and pins since Saturday when I woke up. No joke...kind of sucked.

I wish I really was a turtle.

2006-04-10T20:12:38Z

Take the quiz:
Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle are You?

Donatello
You've been described as 'the brains' of your family or group of friends. You're the natural born, 'Mr. Fixit'. You're also considered the most reserved, preoccupied with your own little thoughts and ideas. But that doesn't mean you don't hang with your family and friends! But, you still find it easy to get lost in your own thoughts...daydreaming often. You'd rather talk things out than fight. You long for a day when there's nothing but peace in the world, and when you can finally rest with your own thoughts. Violence is something the world could completely live without. One of your labels may be, 'true to blue friend'. You're strong at heart and powerful at mind.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Oh, you're so clever, but clever ain't wise.

2006-04-10T18:30:57Z

This might be one of the weirdest weekends I’ve ever had.....on the one hand, it was super fantastic, and on the other, it sucked more ass than I care to admit to.

Friday, I had a “date” with Sean (he’s my friend and “pretend boyfriend” because his girlfriend is in California and I frequently need a hand to hold). He picked me up, and even though it was early, we decided to go on to Lipgloss (because we couldn’t think of anything else to do for a few hours). In the first half hour that we were there, we got asked by both Michael and Tyler if we had any blow or knew where to get some, because Andy was asleep backstage and, you know, needed some (being the 80s rocker that he is). The gist of the night: I looked hot as fuck (and finally got to wear my pointy white heels, my “fuck me now” shoes as Johnathan called them) and got hit on loads by the usual crowd and a Danish guy (who is apparently married, but he whispered dirty things to me in Danish anyway). Everyone kept trying to cheer me up--not that I was particularly down, but every once in a while, my smile would fade, and everyone would take it as their cue to throw out all the “I know it sucks, but...” type shit, which I appreciate, but I really just didn’t want to talk about it. Erm....Jared was there, and I had a nice, long talk with him. He apologized for being such a dick, gave me the consolation prize of “anything that went wrong with us is totally my fault because you’re one of the most awesome people in town,” which is when I started wondering how many times I can hear that in a weekend and not want to kill people. He promised to call me and take me out for dinner just to hang out and catch up. Then.....Then.....I got to meet Andy Fucking Rourke. Fucking bass player of the fucking Smiths. Fucking......I’m loitering about the empty dance floor, looking for Sean, and I hear Tyler scream out “BARRIE HOT, GET YOUR ASS UP HERE” and so I climbed up to the DJ booth to talk to Andy and Tyler and Michael. Very cool, very very cool. Oh, and then Michael gave me two free tickets to see the Editors and Stellastarr* on the 21st. Now I just need to find a hot date.

Saturday....Saturday....I went to Kings with Andy to see Tim and Fil DJ (and there were bands, but they weren’t really anything special). Tex was there, so I apologized for not calling him on Thursday for our Scrabble, but we’re doing it Wednesday, so that’s good. Then he said the best thing I’ve ever heard: “So I think I might be dating my dead roommate’s fiancee.” Yeah. Some Jack Daniels ladies gave me some coupons for free downloads off iTunes, which was sweet, but not free whiskey, which was sad. Fil was super happy to see me and is mad at Alex, so that was kind of funny, and then I told him that I was super upset, because I’d never get rudely awakened by him throwing shit on me when I’m asleep on his couch, and he lovingly said “Well, I’ll just throw shit on us when we’re on the couch together; how’s that?” Then, Andy and I crossed the street to go to the Hi-Dive for Rockstars Are Dead, and that was.....well, interesting. Peter was very happy to see me, so happy that he bought me a drink and got me a shot to take with the guy who runs Dit Mak Records. Um....I finally got to talk to James a lot...he’s this guy from Charlotte that I’ve met loads of times, but never really properly talked to. I actually met a lot of cool people that night.
When the bar closed, I decided to go to the afterparty, even though I knew damn well that I shouldn’t. But it was an open bar, and, well...yeah. So I did that and talked about pirates with a really cool girl whose name I can’t remember, and I let James and David play with my boobs to prove that they’re real, and I met some Germans, and I talked to Steven Dit Mak for a while, and I really think he was trying to get me to go home with him, but........erm...the cops came at 4 to break it up, and so James drove me home and stayed with me because I think he thought I might spontaneously combust if I was left alone. We stayed up until 6am, talking about music and London and fashion and getting over relationships and sex and tea and the Teeter and the Pig. He’s super nice and very understanding.

Unfortunately, I woke up at 8, shot straight up scared as fuck and I have no idea why. I don’t think I was having bad dreams, but I was gasping for breath and my heart was going all fast. I couldn’t really go back to sleep after that, so James gave me a massage and spent a lot of time telling me I need to eat. I’m not really sure how that came into conversation.

Also, I watched Walk The Line and Ed Wood, both of which are amazing. I also made turkey chili, which is pretty good (but not as good as mom’s).

Oh, and last night, while I was watching TV, I heard this guy in the hallway screaming. I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, but it was starting to piss me off, so I went to stick my head out my door to see what was going on, and this guy was laying on the floor, practically passed out in front of someone’s door and screaming. Some other guy was going on about calling for help and “where did all this blood come from?!” I went back inside, and 10 minutes later, heard a lot more people in the hallway, so I stuck my head out again and there were cops or medics or something asking a lot of questions about the blood and all, and the guy wasn’t moving, and no one seemed to be trying to change that.........I’m kind of wondering if someone died in my hallway, two doors down.

Spring Break is for Suckers.

2006-04-04T19:31:37Z

I am now back in school after spring break, and I'm a bit miserable as consequence.

Spring break, though, was pretty good.

Last weekend, I went to NYC to see some of my family (mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law) and that was kind of nice. I went to the Met and MoMA and sort of to the Guggenheim and went to H&M and all of that was cool (even if I didn't get to see a Christian Schad painting, or really anything good and German). I got to hang out with Elliot and Mekiko for a day, and that was super cool. I went to the Virgin Megastore in Time Square and nearly had a heart attack when I saw their import and singles section....I picked up a few Be Your Own PET singles and the new Les Incompetents single (neither of which I expected to find in a real store). I got to see our friend Lauren Kennedy in Spamalot, which was fucking amazing!! David Hyde Pierce and Hank Azaria were both in it, and....wow. And we even got to go stand around on the stage afterwards, which was pretty fucking cool as well. After that, unfortunately, my mom and I got in a super huge fight...or at least, well, she brought up some stuff that I didn't really want to talk about and I got annoyed (if you want, I made a myspace blog about it here).

After that, I flew to Boston to hang out with Kate, which was really fucking rad. We basically just wandered around the city, and the weather was nice, and yeah. I did, however, have the great misfortune to find the only bar that is so strict about underage drinking that they won't let legal people with real IDs in to drink. Yeah. We were trying to see Kate's friend's band play, but the doorman was convinced that my ID was fake because he had a "bad feeling" about it and refused to put forth the effort to scan it and prove that I was right and he was wrong. I was a little more than pissed, but we went to this other bar (and didn't get carded at all) and participated in the Quiz Night that one of Kate's friends was running. We did pretty well, considering that we were a team of two and every other team had at least 5 people on it.

That was it, really, and now I'm back in Denver doing very little that's noteworthy. I went to the Boylesque on Friday, which was nice (mainly just because Enoch was running around shirtless with his pants hanging off his ass, and ohmygodishehot) and I got to speak to Tim Cook, who actually listened to my bullshit idea about having an Easter Egg hunt at the bar, so when I DJ on the 17th, there will be free drinks and free CDs, provided that the right eggs are found. Sweet. I also gave some random girl a ride to another bar, because she was really drunk and I'm just that nice. It was mildly entertaining to listen to her babble about how she's getting over being dumped, and how she's a Communications nerd (I honestly didn't know those existed...I thought Comm was just for people who didn't know what else to do). And I met another of the Denver Defenders on Saturday, Mr. Mustache. That was pretty cool. He wasn't very hairy, though. Oh well.

That's about it, really.

Killing time before House...

2006-03-29T01:53:05Z

I'm on Kate's computer, so I don't remember how to do that cut thing, but have a meme anyway.

10 bands you like

1. She Wants Revenge
2. The Undertones
3. Pinback
4. Black Wire
5. The Libertines
6. Be Your Own PET
7. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
8. The Kooks
9. The Holloways
10. We Are Scientists

-------------------------------------------------------
9 lasts

-last place you went to: Boston, and I'm still there
-last cigarette: earlier today, on the steps of the Boston Public Library
-last kiss: I kissed Alex goodbye Friday before I left for the airport
-last movie seen: I think it was Kill Bill 1 last Monday or Tuesday
-last phone call: Kate, telling her to let me in the damned building
-last cd played: We Are Scientists while getting ready this morning. Huzzah.
-last bath: Probably three Fridays ago...
-last time you cried: on the plane to NYC
-last thing you ate: home-made brownies and ice cream (after a tofu hotdog and broccoli. mmm)

---------------------------------------------------------

8 have you evers.

-have you ever dated someone twice: yeah, and I'm pretty much thinking it's not a good idea
-have you ever been cheated on: yep.
-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Not really...I mean, I've kissed people and later though "wow, that was kind of dumb," but I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it, you know?
-have you ever fallen in love: yes.
-have you ever been depressed: yes.
-have you ever hit another person: no. of course not. and by that, I mean yes, a lot.
-have you ever been arrested: This is where I proceed to tell you the story of Alice's Restaurant in four-part harmony..........no.
-have you ever gone on a blind date: no.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

7 countries you've been to:

1. America (duh)
2. Germany
3. France
4. The UK
5. Ireland
6. Italy
7. Australia

---------------------------------------------------------------------

6 things you've done in the last 24 hours.

1. been taunted by a cat.
2. bought pointy white heels and a hot pair of jeans
3. walked around Boston
4. Ate tofu (this is a very rare thing for me)
5. Talked about philosophers
6. Watched the Simpsons

---------------------------------------------------------------------

5 favorite belongings

1. my ipod
2. my records
3. my bankie
4. my penguin pez and blackened heart (these go together, for serious)
5. my tea set (a small pot with stars and two matching cups)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 people you can tell pretty much anything to

1. The Hotties (I don't care that there are 3 of them).
2. Amanda
3. Kate
4. Alex

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 favorite colors

1. green.
2. blue.
3. pink.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 things you want to do before you die

1. own a space foam bed
2. move back to London for at least some amount of time

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 thing you regret:

1. those times when I freak myself out and become reclusive.

Mostly for Kamla

2006-03-24T17:38:57Z

The picture doesn't really do it justice, but that's the bruise left on my leg Friday. It was more purple the day before yesterday...